Water rings mark receding levels of California's Pine Flat Reservoir. Photo: Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times

By Alissa Walker
17 March 2015

(Gizmodo) – After confronting the truth that we have only one year of water left, California passed new water restrictions today which are WIMPY AS HELL. Here, California, I fixed them for you.

Admittedly, the impact of these restrictions is lessened because many of the state's cities already have their own water restrictions. But even where the new mandates have good intentions, like restricting landscaping irrigation to two days a week or waiting until 48 hours after measurable rainfall before watering, they still fall painfully short. And some are just laughable. Restaurants can only provide water "on request"? Hotels should "offer" guests the option of not having their towels washed daily? I'm sorry, if you require more than one towel during the average hotel stay you probably shouldn't be allowed to stay in said hotel.

Let's get real. Here's what California needs to do now.

Kill all lawns

It is time for California to join the decent people in the rest of the Western United States, where residents have the sense to let their lawns go dormant during the dry season. When the water that falls from the sky is not enough to perpetuate your yard's emerald hue, it is not okay to spew your hose upon it for hours at a time. Stop watering your lawn. It will come back when it rains.

That includes golf courses

Any green space which was not expressly created for the public's use and well-being should also be required to "brown out." That means golf courses, corporate campuses. Exempt: Parks, schools. Cemeteries are allowed to paint the brown grass green.

And also car washes

What if a car wash was prohibitively expensive in the way that gas prices sometimes are? You wouldn't drive your car, right? You might not even own a car, right? Solves several problems at once. [more]

Here Are the Water Restrictions California Should Have Passed Today

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