Bill Nye to Todd Akin: 'You and me. Any time. Any place. debvating science mano-a-mano. I'll bring the facts, and you bring the vaseline.'

[Note: This is satire.]

30 August 2012 (Daily Currant) – Bill Nye may still be The Science Guy, but he's no longer Mr. Nice Guy.

During a live interview this morning with the Smithsonian Channel, the mild mannered science educator unloaded on U.S. Congressman Todd Akin, calling him "a fucking idiot" for accusing Nye of personally provoking Hurricane Isaac.

Last week Nye uploaded a video to YouTube urging parents not to teach their children creationism. At a town hall campaign event yesterday, Akin used the video as an example of immoral behavior driving god to punish America through extreme weather. […]

The Smithsonian anchors asked Nye about Akin's recent accusation. The normally genial Nye wasted no time venting his rage about the comments:

"Look, these people, they're fucking retarded. Rape can't cause pregnancy? Breastmilk cures homosexuality? I caused a hurricane by challenging creationism? Who can possibly take these people seriously anymore?"

The slightly uncomfortable anchors then tried to change the subject, but Nye persisted:

"It used to be these Republicans didn't believe in global warming or evolution. That was bad enough. Now they don't even believe in egg + sperm = baby. Where does Todd Akin think babies come from? Does he think there are separate storks for people who were raped and people who weren't? "

"Hey look over there! It's the rape stork. It drops its babies directly at the orphanage."

"He's a fucking idiot. Just a plain fucking idiot. I'm sorry – I don't say that word very often – but it happens to fit in this case. He's just a fucking idiot."

As the stunned anchors hurriedly tried to wind the conversation down and cut to commercial, Nye stared directly into the camera and issued a challenge to his new-found rival:

"So Todd I got an offer for you. You and me. Any time. Any place. Debating science mano- a-mano. I'll bring the facts, and you bring the Vaseline. Because your ass is gonna fucking need it when I'm done whipping." […]

Bill Nye Blasts Todd Akin, Challenges ‘Fucking Idiot’ to Debate

[Also satire.] 29 August 2012 (Daily Currant) – Missouri U.S. Senate candidate Todd Akin has deepened the controversy surrounding his candidacy today by claiming that science educator Bill Nye is to blame for Hurricane Isaac - the deadly storm currently menacing New Orleans.

Akin – who has already attracted outrage with recent statements regarding rape and homosexuality – says that Nye has angered god with a YouTube video in which he claims creationism "hurts kids."

In a town hall meeting held in a Presbyterian church in Chesterfield, MO Akin explained to the audience that natural phenomena cannot be separated from the spiritual realm:

"I think its pretty clear if you study the Bible that natural disasters are no accident. God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because their people had sinned. And now we have an American city facing a similar fate."

Akin then argued that God has taken notice of America's corrupt moral culture and has punished that nation in accordance with scripture:

"Look around us. We have gays in the military. Lesbians on the Supreme Court. Promiscuity in Hollywood and in music and on the streets. And now we have this guy … what's his name … Bill Nye … we have this guy Bill Nye going around saying we can't teach the word of God to our children!"

"Is it any wonder we got an ungodly storm off our shores? How dumb do you have to be to think that's just a coincidence?"

Phonecam video from the incident shows some in the crowd of churchgoing Christians jumping to their feet and singing "amen".

Meteorologists tend to disagree with Akin's description of how weather works.

Todd Wallace, a leading researcher at Washington University in St. Louis says "There is simply no evidence that religious beliefs affect weather patterns. Storms like Isaac hit the U.S. frequently and extreme weather is prevalent on every continent, regardless of the creed of its inhabitants." […]

Todd Akin Blames Bill Nye for Hurricane


  1. Anonymous said...

    There are a lot of very dumb, willfully stupid people in America, who insist on superstitious nonsense, embracing a medieval belief system that has no factual basis in reality. Not surprisingly, they're intellectually challenged when it comes to how the world really came to be.

    There's a really dumb debate taking place right now, regarding "God" being taken off the Democratic platform. Why anybody should even care about this nonsense is only puzzling if you assume intelligence on the part of the superstitious percentage of Americans that claim to "care".

    Creationism is a sacred cow, not to be challenged or disproven with facts or scientific evidence, which themselves are considered "evil" or under the influence of other imaginary beings such as the Devil.

    This does explain a lot why Americans are so backwards, and ignorant about the rest of the world, and things like climate change, history or even elemental concepts such as the age of the Earth.

    In their imaginations, they conceive of an invisible world, which remains unseen and unexperienced until death, upon where all will only then experience the true "reality" of what life on Earth was "really about".

    Of course this means that it will too late for those who never realize that they were dreadfully wrong about it all, wasting entire lifetimes embracing foolish pursuits. There won't even be any opportunity to them realize their mistakes.

    Meanwhile, down here on planet Earth, in real life, in reality, we will still be dealing with the stupid fools spouting their ignorant superstitious nonsense as they have for centuries, always moving farther and farther away with unfulfilled 'promises' and 'predictions' (prophecy) that never comes to pass.

    They want us to take them seriously, but we cannot, as there is nothing in their 'platform' that makes a lick of sense, unless you ascribe to the school of 'nonsense'.

    There is no 'challenge' either, it's not even a 'debate', unless you apply circular reasoning, logical fallacies, appeal to authority, appeal to belief, burden of proof, straw argument, and many more fallacies to the woven stories of history and superstition they espouse.

    Even these tools of reasoning of human intellect are denied and laid at the feet of invisible 'dark' entities which are allegedly responsible for 'influencing' the minds and intellects of reasonable men.

    America is going backwards in many ways, embracing what is probably dead wrong and the opposite of what is clearly true. Superstition is actually playing a pretty large role in this reversal.

    Creationism is just a small part in this tug-of-war among superstition and science. One based upon hearsay, the other based upon evidence.

    Notably, evidence has never played an important role among the superstitious and probably never will, for it it ever does, the entire house of cards they've erected around themselves will come crashing down.

    Better to just deny everything that would contradict the carefully crafted facade they have erected then to let it be 'challenged'.  

  2. tsisageya said...

    Oh, thanks so MUCH! I needed that hearty laugh this morning. Oh my goodness...  


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